Loss, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

How soon is too soon?


A friend recently lost her husband and I am sad for her. I am sad because she lost her true love. I do hope though that one day she finds someone who will love her and care for her again. I hope one day she finds someone who will make her happy and put a smile back on her face.

And, I would like it to happen soon, I want her to be happy. This sentiment however, I don’t think is shared by many in our society. Some still think that there needs to be an acceptable period to grieve our loved one before we move on to the next love.

But how soon is too soon?

My life took a huge blow when I was 27 years old. I lost my baby in a tragic accident, I thought that pain was going to kill me but not long after that I was dealt another blow, the failure of my relationship. The loss of a child affects both parents differently – we grieve differently and in some cases this leads to the demise in the marriage or the relationship. The death of my relationship killed me emotionally. I was a complete wreck. I felt that I had nothing else to give and closed all doors to having another serious relationship forever!

Look, I’m not going to lie, I’m not a saint and I did have a few casual relationships to fill the void however how does one move on from losing the love of one’s life. They were my future, my whole existence at the time and losing both of them (my partner took his own life subsequently) seemed a cruel act of God that was unfathomable. Love, however, is stronger than grief. It breaks all barriers. I mean let’s look at Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet, the most classic love story there ever was (well besides Rhett and Scarlett) loved each so much that they broke away from their families and ultimately paid the price with their own lives, all for love. It seems if we are destined to loose someone we love at such a young age, then we are destined to re-find that love again in another person.

But how soon is too soon?

It doesn’t matter if the loss is through death or a marriage/relationship breakdown, we still grieve losing someone we once loved but this loss shouldn’t stop us from living the life intended for us. We need to be able to place that bandaid gently on the wound in our heart and let it heal. A scar will remain but the wound will eventually heal. Then we need to allow our heart to re-feel again. For some of us, it may take years for others months (I remember my friends being critical of a friend who started dating only a month after his wife died, he was happy and they are still happily married). We may not all be lucky enough to find another great love so soon. We may have to scrape that apple cart and dig deep to the find one that hasn’t been spoiled and for some this may never happen. But we need to give it a chance. And, just like anything else, you won’t know unless you try.

For everyone’s information, I found my other love 2 years later. He won my heart with lots of cups of tea and we are still together, currently living in Bali with our 2 gorgeous boys.




Love makes you fat  — Discover

“But you know what? I have achieved more with this body, then I have with my old body. I’ve eaten more good foods. I’ve lived more, I’ve given more, I’ve enjoyed more. I’ve made life. This body, THIS body should be celebrated and admired.” Laura at The Mum on the Run shares her victory story.

via Love makes you fat  — Discover


Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I woke up this morning and like most mornings flicked through my social media, read my favourite blogger and fell in a heap. Why? Do you ask. I live on a tropical island, the birds are chirping and it is nice and sunny outside, so why do I feel like this.

Well it has something to do with my body image. I haven’t been to the gym in months, my fridge is my new best friend, my thunder thighs are clapping together, my back-fat is flapping and oh…that tummy over-hang, what to do with that? Pictures of trim, taut, terrific bodies flickered on my social media page…the #Fitgirl is busting the bulge, #IzabelG is yoga-ing herself to a size 0 and my favourite blogger paraded photos of herself in her active wear. She had just completed a cross-fit session without a bead of sweat. I, myself, am not so graceful when I have been to the gym…I mean, it’s like a rain cloud has emptied itself underneath me, but these gorgeous elks just gracefully step in and out of the gym without a hair out-of-place. So I sat down with my morning tea and became saddened at my lack of motivation, physical activity but most of all beauty.

That was until, I flicked through some old photos and found a ‘selfie ‘(edited of course to get rid of the wrinkles and flaws), but hey, who are you to judge. Anyway, the point is, I found something about me that I loved…my face. I have found that no matter how many pounds I gain, my face, my smile, my eyes have remained the same. My

face radiates that same confidence now as it did twenty years ago. They say that one’s eyes is a reflection into one’s soul, and true beauty can be found in a pure heart and a pure soul.

So, I picked myself up from my emotional heap, posted that photograph of myself as my Facebook profile picture and made the decision to continue to focus on the things that are beautiful about myself rather than the things I dislike. I am sure there are times we are all like this, when we struggle with our body image, but if we can find one, just one thing of our bodies that we like, and love that part of our body then we are feeding our heart and soul and showing other women in our lives, that we don’t need to be picture perfect to be beautiful, we are already beautiful in our own perfect way.