Loss, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

How soon is too soon?


A friend recently lost her husband and I am sad for her. I am sad because she lost her true love. I do hope though that one day she finds someone who will love her and care for her again. I hope one day she finds someone who will make her happy and put a smile back on her face.

And, I would like it to happen soon, I want her to be happy. This sentiment however, I don’t think is shared by many in our society. Some still think that there needs to be an acceptable period to grieve our loved one before we move on to the next love.

But how soon is too soon?

My life took a huge blow when I was 27 years old. I lost my baby in a tragic accident, I thought that pain was going to kill me but not long after that I was dealt another blow, the failure of my relationship. The loss of a child affects both parents differently – we grieve differently and in some cases this leads to the demise in the marriage or the relationship. The death of my relationship killed me emotionally. I was a complete wreck. I felt that I had nothing else to give and closed all doors to having another serious relationship forever!

Look, I’m not going to lie, I’m not a saint and I did have a few casual relationships to fill the void however how does one move on from losing the love of one’s life. They were my future, my whole existence at the time and losing both of them (my partner took his own life subsequently) seemed a cruel act of God that was unfathomable. Love, however, is stronger than grief. It breaks all barriers. I mean let’s look at Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet, the most classic love story there ever was (well besides Rhett and Scarlett) loved each so much that they broke away from their families and ultimately paid the price with their own lives, all for love. It seems if we are destined to loose someone we love at such a young age, then we are destined to re-find that love again in another person.

But how soon is too soon?

It doesn’t matter if the loss is through death or a marriage/relationship breakdown, we still grieve losing someone we once loved but this loss shouldn’t stop us from living the life intended for us. We need to be able to place that bandaid gently on the wound in our heart and let it heal. A scar will remain but the wound will eventually heal. Then we need to allow our heart to re-feel again. For some of us, it may take years for others months (I remember my friends being critical of a friend who started dating only a month after his wife died, he was happy and they are still happily married). We may not all be lucky enough to find another great love so soon. We may have to scrape that apple cart and dig deep to the find one that hasn’t been spoiled and for some this may never happen. But we need to give it a chance. And, just like anything else, you won’t know unless you try.

For everyone’s information, I found my other love 2 years later. He won my heart with lots of cups of tea and we are still together, currently living in Bali with our 2 gorgeous boys.